I used to sleep on a mattress and now I sleep in a car. Her suitcase is vintage, callous and brown marbled; her hair is au courant, silken and without besmirch or splatter. Her mouth is piquant with clementine and water bottle residue. Her eyes are their own cosmic galaxy, amidst their own planets and black holes, so when I beset mine astride hers I feel like the ocular moon. In all honesty, I...
The average person tells 4 lies a day, or 1460 a year a total of 88,000 by the age of 60. And the most common lie is: I’M FINE.
Apparently there are men who refuse to carry umbrellas because they are not “masculine,” This has incited me to create a line of umbrellas for men. They’ll either be called “umbrollas” or have “no homo” screenprinted on them.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the unmailed letters and the lonely Octobers. The children ask, “Does it ever go away?” They’re asking about the heartache and you know better than to lie, so you answer truthfully and you say, “No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t go away.” One day you’re jumping in puddles, and the next thing you know,...
i hate being double planned on by you . period.
R: you're the crazy lady
R: that drowns her kids
Me: i am nottt!!!!
Me: speaking of that
R: what comment could you possibly make
R: on killing children
R: you're a psychopath
R: I JUST STAY UP LATE LISTENING TO THE SAME SONG OVER AND OVER, KILLING ANIMALS
R: LIVING IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSIVE WHERE I THINK I'VE HEARD EVERY BAND
R: AND NAMED EVERY ORGANISM
R: WATCHING UNSOLVED MYSTERIES
Let your freckles be periods, and my scars the alphabet. Our skin together is the most beautiful thing I have ever read.
Being creative makes you a weird little beast, because everything seems so...
Whoever said “it’s impossible to miss something you never had” obviously never almost had YOU.
The trick is never giving more than you were willing to lose.
My heart is tied to you. Sadly, my lips aren’t.
Contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful. It’s for the bold. It’s for those willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it. Even if they don’t see it nearly enough.
His presence was a minimum to everyone but me, and that was the way it was...
(817): Dude. Creed is coming in september.
(1-817): We're no longer friends.
I miss you, when something really good happens, you’re the first one I want to share it with. Because I miss you when something is troubling me, you’re the only one who would’ve understand. Because I miss you, when I laugh and cry, you’re the only one who could make me laugh harder and make my tears disappear. I don’t know where we went and why we grew apart, but you should know, I miss you.
The truth is I don’t hate you. I can never hate you. I’m not on a crusade to hate you. I guess I just want to find reasons to not like you. To make you seem like a horrible person. So I can just be mad at you and forget about you. Because honestly, it would just make all of this so much easier.
muh my-my-my pimple face. no, he can’t read my pimple face. srsly, acne. clear up now! kthanks. New bed sheets. New major/school/job. New(ish) hair. sup widdit?
she danced: Allison, if you get so TFLND that you start telling your personal life (slash my personal life) to strangers and showing your boobs and rubbing people's heads and saying really embarrassing things again, i will pee on your in your sleep. Trust.
allisonfelmet: how about. i do those things minus the telling your personal life
she danced: done.
As much as I struggled not to think of him, I did not struggle to forget. I worried—late in the night, when the exhaustion of sleep deprivation broke down my defenses—that it was all slipping away. That my mind was a sieve, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his skin, or the texture of his voice. I could not think of them, but I must remember...
Wtf. How does this make any kind of difference? Is this considered ‘cool’? Why did SciFi change its spelling to SyFy?
she danced: i am going to toast some p.t's
she danced: is that cool of me?
she danced: to say?
she danced: like. would that get me a lot of friends?
allisonfelmet: POP TARTS
allisonfelmet: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
she danced: Hi.
Thanks, gullah gullah island-esque Miss Universe...
allisonfelmet: i broke my whole computer just now, fyi.
she danced: i broke my whole bones.
allisonfelmet: nothing that i typed. none of my key spasms happened because they are new buddies on my buddy list now.
allisonfelmet: i dont
allisonfelmet: how that happened
she danced: haahdjddh HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
she danced: YOU HAVE KEY SPASMS FOR BUDDIES
she danced: THIS IS SYMBOLISM
she danced: I FEEL LIKE
allisonfelmet: I am crying. so hard.
allisonfelmet: i had this im with myself. and buddies.
allisonfelmet: I am out of control
allisonfelmet: I broke my keyboard.
allisonfelmet: I WANT THIS SONG ON MY IPOD
she danced: dear god
she danced: I'm waiting for winnie the pooh to drop down from the ceiling with a jar to inspect her hair for honey.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because you...– TFLN.com
I do not understand why everyone on ‘Miss Universe 2009’ is no shorter than 5’7. This dooms me and my 5’3 self for the rest of my life. Thanks heaps, genetics.
Btw, I’m really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into...– TFLN.com
Next time you’re in Dillards or JcPenny, go to the lingere section, and look at the granny panties size XXX. Those things could dress you for the winter.
"What do you want? In the whole world, what do you want to be?"
One of my philosophy professors lectured wildly about love once, yelling: “When you’re in love with someone, that person is the lighthouse of your universe.” (I scrawled it inside Science and Poetry in pencil—lighthouse of your universe—as if I would ever forget that phrase.) He was a delightful caricature of his position. I could swear he literally tore his hair out while...
Well I made a mistake, well I made two. One for me and one for you. And then I...– Voxtrot; Your Biggest Fan
Don’t you dare tell me nothing matters. Everything matters. Every drop of rain, every ray of sunlight, every wisp of cloud matters and they matter because I can see them and if I can see them then they can see me and I know that there’s an entire world that cares out there, hiding behind a world that doesn’t, afraid to show who it really is and with or without you, I will drag that world out of...
allisonfelmet: the confessions of a serial killer is on.
allisonfelmet: perhaps you'd like to watch that instead
she danced: .... perhaps you are right my friend. Perhaps you want to sleep with your doors unlocked tonight, also?
she danced: just an idea.
she danced: Hi.
allisonfelmet: why would I be your victim
allisonfelmet: why is josh crowley so beautiful
she danced: That is not for us to ask. Wait.. Why are you e-stalking my very much not-straight neighbor?
And he turns around to say, “You’re not the only girl I will ever fall in love with,” his eyes will be red and worn. His eyelashes are heavy with salt and water. “But, you’ll be damn close to the only one worth loving.”
Hello again, tumblr. I think I just had a midlife crisis and deleted you and then decided to start over. I’m starting completely over with everything. Mostly my sarcasm doesn’t breathe well through the internet but I do it nonetheless. If you think you’re going to learn a lot about me from just reading this, you should try talking to me before you commit yourself to such a...